Soul-Searching Questions to Define Beauty

Ralph Waldo Emerson said this about beauty: “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak on the topic of beauty, linking it with the biblical perspective that beauty is not what we see on the surface but  what comes from within, from our hearts. I spoke to an audience of women from various walks and stages of life:  single women, parents and grandparents, as well as widows. Admittedly, I took a risk, knowing that all those present, including myself, likely made sincere effort to present ourselves attractive—dare I say beautiful! Even so, I felt comfortable in expressing my thoughts to such a mixed group. Why? Because to some degree, beauty is a concept that every woman strives to attain.

Initially, I asked two soul-searching questions for which I did not expect an audible answer. I simply presented them as food for thought: “How influenced are we by how others define beauty?” And, “Would you agree that the fashion and cosmetic worlds have a tight grip on the choices we make with respect to what we put on our bodies and faces?”

Hoping my audience was pondering their own answers, I continued with the idea that all we have to do is watch TV commercials, flip the pages of a current fashion magazine, or pause at a check-out counter and glance at the tabloids and we cannot miss that we are being inundated with the need to be strikingly beautiful. Wondering if I’d hit a nerve or, hopefully, rallied some support, I continued with the question, “But can we measure up to the demands society places on us to be ‘drop dead gorgeous’ on the outside?”

In contrast to this approach of defining beauty from an external perspective, Cynthia Heald states in Uncommon Beauty that, “a beautiful soul can render a plain face lovely.” There is so much truth in that statement, but unfortunately, it would seem that our current society has redefined beauty and the plain face has been ignored, if not shunned. I’ll go further and say that once a woman has reached a certain age, has lost her youthful shine, and wears a mantel of grey hair, society has placed her into the category of old or over the hill and with that concept, labels a woman a has-been and unworthy of notice. Sadly, in settling for this negative acceptance of aging, the world has missed a new depth of beauty, one that is not seen by the naked eye, for with this new depth of beauty comes wisdom. “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12: 12) And, Proverbs 4:6-7 encourages us to “not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”

Ignoring this and placing importance on that which will some day fade, it would seem that our current generation entices women to have the latest in fashion and hairstyle, weigh a certain weight, gain societal status, and go the limit to impress, even at the risk of morals and principles being compromised. It would seem that society’s strong influence encourages us to turn a blind eye, or worse yet, tolerate its carnal mentality in defining beauty. It frightens me to think that as women, we have fallen victim to the world’s interpretation of beauty.

And the influence on men cannot be excluded. Despite their age, they find themselves living in a culture that increasingly stigmatizes sexuality, aggressiveness, competitiveness, and integrity. “In the hearts of all good men there is a battle raging, a battle as real as any literal war we might wage. It is a battle for integrity, decency, and purity. It is a struggle to overcome forces that seem uncontrollable—in human terms” (Archibald D. Hart, Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California).

Over all, it would seem that from age-defying face creams to buying the right car with the right sex-appeal to sacrificing one’s ethical integrity, we are being bombarded from every direction with the need to be more beautiful, more appealing at any cost.

In the world today with the focus of beauty being on the external, I believe Mr. Emerson is right on point: if we can’t find our inner beauty, we’ll never find beauty elsewhere.

I asked yet another question: “What message are we sending our younger generation, those being influenced by the media, the printed page, the internet, music, and above all else, their peers?” Whether we are parents, grandparents, married, single or widowed, we must be diligent in assuring our children, grandchildren, and any youth within our sphere of influence that they are beautiful in the eyes of God. That although there is a need to be attractive outwardly, beauty is more than what is seen on the surface. That when they accept God’s leading in their lives, they are on the road to finding their true inner beauty.

As adults, should we not set the example; should we not apply these same principles to our lives? Too often we are driven by the wrong motives as we search for happiness, contentment, and beauty in the wrong places. John Piper, states that, “Our thirst for happiness is insatiable in this world, and if we do not have the wisdom to seek it in God, then we will find whatever substitutes we can in the world….Ultimate and eternal happiness that we crave is only found by wisdom.”

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive, to have our hair done, to treat ourselves to a new outfit. After all, our whole body—both inside and out—is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and it’s our responsibility to take care of it. But we need to be wise in making sure our choices are God-honouring. 1 Samuel 16 reminds us that man looks on the outward appearance, but “the Lord looks on the heart.”

“Your beauty…should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”  (1 Peter 3:3-4 in part).