In last month’s post, The Toxic Gossip Train I shared my belief that judging, criticizing, and gossiping are destructive in any situation. This short post dwells on a similar topic: being conscious of how we speak to one another.
I believe most of us, if not all of us, are aware of someone who has suffered—emotionally, physically, and perhaps spiritually—by unkind, inconsiderate, and often damaging words. I’m quite sure that none of us would want to be the victim of such an attack, and most certainly we would not want to be the source. So, at the outset, please allow me to ask a question, one that may be personal and a bit intrusive…Have you ever thought something and then said something, suddenly and without thinking only to regret it seconds later? If truth be told, I’m sure we’re all guilty of this. We forget that words formed in our thoughts and then shared audibly have power with lasting impact on others, as well as on ourselves. Those spoken words can either make the hearer’s life happy, uplifting, and encouraging or they can create a dark cloud if spoken in haste and with little thought as to the negative impact.
As children we were taught to “mind your manners,” “be polite when spoken to” and “always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’” But as adults we tend to rush through our daily days, forgetting those lessons we learned as a child. The pressures of life, the busy schedules, the overtaxed expectations, the increased workload often result in our thoughts overflowing into words that when spoken, have a negative effect rather than the alternative. Anxiety, physical weariness, frustration, impatience bordering on anger are catalysts that can open the door for saying something “suddenly and without thinking.”
The following is a lesson I learned a long time ago that has remained with me for decades. At first glance it’s quite humorous, but there’s a lesson buried in it that I have adopted and used many times over the years.
When I was a young mother with three small children, one still in diapers, I convinced Doug to paint our bathroom ceiling and all but one wall, black. It was an ‘L’ shaped bathroom with the length of the ‘L’ housing the toilet and tub/shower and a small upper window above the tub. The shorter portion of the ‘L’ provided an ample counter and single sink. It took Doug four coats of black paint to cover the ceiling, the window trim and wall above the tub/shower, and the wall adjacent to the counter and sink. I papered the longest wall of the ‘L’ in an amazing vinyl wallpaper that looked like a picture from Good Housekeeping Magazine.
I was excited…and yes a bit anxious…to show a good friend—12 years my senior and a painter and wallpaper hanger—our efforts at beautifying our ordinary bathroom. [Now before I continue, you need to understand that Ross was a meat and potatoes man…no Chinese food, no pizza, no anything out of the norm…that’s important to know as I continue my story.] Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, I leaned against Ross’s arm, awaiting his response. Of course I was really wanting his thumbs-up, but he remained silent, obviously taking in the surroundings. No longer able to suppress my hopefulness, I finally asked, “So, Ross…what do you think?” His reply was quiet and simple: “Do you like it?” “Oh, yes!” I exclaimed. He smiled, and with words best described as kind, he replied, “Well, that’s the main thing!” and he said nothing further.
Further food for thought…
★ The rule in carpentry is, Measure twice, cut once. That same principle can be applied to guarding our thoughts and words: Think twice (maybe more!), speak once (if at all!).
★ Take care of our thoughts when we are alone. Take care of our words when we are with people. “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless” (Mother Teresa).
★ Look for something kind to say each day even if some days we have to look extra hard! “A kind heart speaks kind words” (Anthony D. Williams).
And…
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.
Don’t use your mouth to tell lies; don’t ever say things that are not true.
Keep your eyes focused on what is right, and look straight ahead to what is good.
Be careful what you do, and always do what is right.
Proverbs 4:23-27
Follow Me!