In 1861 Charles Dickens wrote and published Great Expectations. The title in itself is attention-getting when you understand the meaning of expectations to be “a strong belief that something will happen” or “a belief that someone will or should achieve something.” To add Great to the title only makes it more enticing to read. According to an internet source, “the moral theme of Great Expectations is quite simple: affection, loyalty, and conscience are more important than social advancement, wealth, and class.” Sounds rather intriguing; nevertheless, I have no memory of the story other than having read the book many decades ago as a Grade 12 English assignment. I’m quite certain it was meaningful since George Bernard Shaw praised the novel as “consistently truthful” and Dickens himself was pleased with the public response. He admitted that when the plot first formed in his mind, he called it “a very fine, new and grotesque idea.” Perhaps one day I will read it again.
As adults we experience “a strong belief that something will happen” from the moment we plant our feet on the floor beside our bed each morning. Often our expectations vary from subconscious or habitual habits in our thinking to deliberate decisions that may raise the level of what we expect. Sometimes those expectations involve others. Other times we are self-motivated. Sometimes we are disappointed and struggle with an unexpected turn of events. Other times we smile at a successful accomplishment. As well, I believe that expectations capture our attention at a very young age. A little girl may anticipate being a teacher, a bride, and certainly a mommy, her expectations riding high with her guileless enthusiasm. And a little boy may see himself breaking a bucking bronco or flying through space and landing on the moon. All healthy, childhood expectations.
In recent conversation with a friend, I asked him how he viewed the word expectations. He smiled, thought for a moment and then, almost apologetically, shared that his first thought came from a negative perspective. He admitted that he links the word with unreasonable, and went on to explain that he often experiences “unreasonable expectations that others put on me.” There is the fear that tension will result when he fails to perform as expected. And he is quite right. Unfair, high expectations—and certainly low ones—can put a strain on any relationship or situation, resulting in hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and disappointments, even hostility and anger. Often added to the dilemma is the inner turmoil on the part of the one who has been fruitless in an effort to satisfy, especially if those expectations are based on faulty logic or prejudicial hope. Equally as sad, an individual can experience a great measure of discontentment when expectations fail since contentment focusses on what we already have instead of expecting to get what we want.
Not only does expectation partner with contentment, it also partners with success. Back in the early 80s, I read the following in a missionary letter: “Success is not necessarily reaching your goal. It is reaching your maximum potential.” As a result of the unreasonable expectations and goals we set for ourselves—goals that are often shrouded with our needs and wants—we often face disappointment, unrest, and troubled times when we fail to meet those personal goals. Having set the bar too high, we find it difficult dealing with the fallout of failure and a deep emotional hole can result when success escapes us. If we are able to recognize the self-imposed and unrealistic needs and wants in our lives, I believe we would have a better chance at setting realistic expectations. Inner peace would result, damaged relationships would heal, misunderstandings—though never eliminated entirely—would be fewer, and contentment would abound.
That being said, I don’t want to be unfair and give expectations a bad rap! In truth, it is impossible not to have expectations throughout life, but there certainly is a time to set the bar high. Great expectations must be placed on how we communicate with others, how we forgive, and how we love. Admitting we are wrong, that we have been unfair in our expectations is the first step in righting a wrong and healing a situation and showing love. When we are honest with ourselves and with others, unreasonable expectations will be fewer (I say fewer because we are human and we will fail!).
As to the little girl and little boy mentioned earlier, yes, I was referring to my husband and me! Most definitely I wanted to be a teacher as far back as I can remember. Although it never happened, as the years passed, I found myself teaching in a way that could never have been part of my childhood expectations. Did Doug want to be an astronaut or a rodeo cowboy ? I never knew him as a little boy, only as a teenager, but I do know he never owned a horse or saw the inside of a rocket ship! However, where he finds himself in his adult years—exhibiting great compassion and care for others and unending love for his family—brings him great contentment and satisfaction regardless of any unrealized expectation of flying to the moon, if it
so existed!
So why the journey to understanding thoughts behind expectations and why the little-girl-little-boy scenario? Because today, March 27th, is our 56th wedding anniversary, and you can be sure that fifty-six years ago we were not focussed on future expectations, only on our love for each other and a desire to begin a life together. In our innocence and youth, we did not expect the valleys or mountaintops that lay ahead, but what we did expect was to faithfully support, nurture and love each other. And we have! We can expect—because we know!—that our love for each other is more than it was yesterday but not as much as it will be tomorrow! Now, that is an even greater expectation!
As an after thought, one of my favourite verses in Scripture on the topic of expectations is found in Psalm 5:3…
In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait expectantly.
Follow Me!